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Conflicting Feelings

My fingers are itching to type and my mind is in overdrive again. It's scary to pour your heart out. But, I did get a good response on my last post. The response was on Facebook. I really really wish people would comment on the blog post itself also :)

Well, maybe I should explain why I am so upset with religion??

Religion specifically Christianity;

We are taught:

  • To be separate from the world; to not mix and mingle with the world; if you do you will be influenced by them for the bad
  • To just listen to God's laws and if you don't you are a problem
  • That we are not to believe in rituals and spiritualism  
  • To listen to God and not ourselves; we just can't be trusted
  • To look down on people who are not us or who think and act differently (yes, I hear your protests that this is not so)
  • That we are sinners who can never measure up 

Why is this bothering me so?

  • It has caused me nothing but anxiety attacks and low self-esteem
  • It has inhibited me from further progressing; my mind has never expanded
  • I have never been able to come to terms with myself and change my behaviors despite a lifetime of conditioning
  • I have never felt me; always feeling like an impostor
  • Despite desperate prayers to God and trying oh so hard to think of him as a father, I have never been able to have a relationship with him; believe me I have tried over and over.
  • I have just gotten angrier and angrier and more and more rebellious. I just want to be me without being judged. 
What has worked more me:

  • Opening my mind to energy healing
  • Reiki - a form of energy healing. (This has opened my mind up and helped with thinking in terms of energy and think more profoundly with Jesus and what he actually was. Not what we have been taught. I have also had some insights over the years about Jesus that was shocking - yes, they came from my own brain at various times while reading the Bible).
  •  Quieting my mind
  • Accepting myself as I am with all my flaws; coming to terms with why I act the way I do. It has been disturbing and painful at times to learn. 
  • Questioning ideas and old stories that have been taught to me and my ancestors throughout the centuries.
  • Trusting that I do have power. My thoughts are powerful and attract what I think about. Good or bad. 
  • Accepting that there are non physical beings who are here guiding us if we would only listen. The Abraham Teachings has helped me trust the Universe more fully and put my mind at ease.
  • Meditating
  • Chakra healing.
  • Mantras
  • Rituals
This is the only thing that has ever quieted my mind and helped to such a great degree. And if you think about it; it's what we have been taught to stay away from. So, Why? Why have we been taught that what really works we must stay away from? The answer is simple to me. 

This is been my experience. I am sure yours has been different or the same. Please accept that we all have different experiences and deal with things differently. 

Feel free to express your thoughts. 

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