Being a grandparent is great. I love it! But there is another side. A side that is never talked about. I am not the only one who feels this way. I ask other grandparents and they agree. When I had my 4 children, I NEVER worried so damn much about them as I do my grandchildren. I don't know why that is. Or at least I didn't until yesterday. I have a theory anyway. Will talk about that in a moment.
First, I want to tell you that it's my 2 daughters that are giving me these grand kids. My oldest granddaughter is 2 1/2 years old AND I have 4 granddaughters. YES, I REPEAT I HAVE 4 GRANDDAUGHTERS 2 YEARS OLD AND YOUNGER!!! Now what is the problem with this?
Well, since it's my daughters, I am worried and scared to pieces for them the whole 9 months and have to listen to them complain about everything that is wrong with them. I try to tell them things are normal, blah, blah, blah. But in my mind, I'm thinking maybe something is seriously wrong and it's my fault for telling them it's nothing to worry about. Then there is the labor and delivery and EVERYTHING that can go wrong with that. I'm telling you I am a nervous wreck! Especially when I have no relief. One of the two is always pregnant! For fucking 3 years. One continuous long pregnancy. And yes, there have been issues with pregnancy and the births.
Granddaughter #1 would not breathe on her own for 5 freakin' minutes. I almost passed out! But, I had to be strong for MY daughter. Afterwards, I went in the bathroom and threw up.
Granddaughter #2 had to be delivered 2 weeks early by c-section because she was not moving at all. Her cord was wrapped around her neck and she was dying. When she was out, she was so limp, gray, and not moving and they couldn't get her respiratory rate up at all. She had to be shipped to Syracuse and stay in the NICU for 10 days. Now I broke down plenty of times for that one. And all the while I had to be strong for MY daughter. Which is so hard because your heart is just breaking for her and the baby. But, everything turned out good. Thank God!
Granddaughter #3 would not breathe in forever. Again, I have to be strong and tell myself and daughter everything is fine and she will breathe. Granddaughter #4 came out great. No problems, thank God. I couldn't take anything more.
So, now 2 days ago, I found out daughter #2 is pregnant AGAIN. My other daughter just had a baby 3 weeks ago. See what I mean? There is no end to the worrying! Don't they freakin' know about birth control. They ought to, I freakin' drilled it in their heads since they were teenagers.
Okay, so even after the birth, I worry myself to death about the babies. For Kendra, I was convinced she was dying for lack of eating. She would not take the bottle or nurse. I MADE Nathalie take her to the ER. My God, I am so embarrassed about that now. Kaydence, I always worry about because of her traumatic birth. So when poor Kaelynn came along, I just had to back off. And I did. I couldn't involve myself in it anymore. So, the poor girl didn't get overly grandmothered when she was a baby and I worry about that too. But she loves me to pieces now and I sure love her too.
Now, as for my so called theory. Why am I convinced that everything is going to go wrong and my daughters can't handle things without me? Hmmmm. They are MY kids, who could never handle their freakin' chores. I know how irresponsible they can be. So therefore now that they are adults, I am convinced they cannot do this. I don't know. Maybe that is my fear, maybe not. Maybe I need physicartic help. I'm sure everyone agrees.
So, I have 4 grand kids and 1 more on the way. Let's hope, I can get it right this time.
As for my step grandchild, her parents are probably thinking, "Thank God, we don't live close to this crazy woman."
But, I DO LOVE THEM ALL!! And they bring a smile to my face just thinking about them.