Skip to main content

Divorce

My mom and dad split up when I was 9 years old. The marriage was pure hell for them and me. Yes, me! I had to hear my mom crying late at night because my father was out after work doing god knows what. (Well, we know cheating was going on). When he was around it was pure hell. I walked on eggshells and was sick to my stomach most of the time. My father acted like he just hated my mom. I didn't feel like he liked me much either. I was the only reason that they even got married.

There was so much fighting, crying, and my mother had breakdowns, and I had to hear my father force my mother into sex acts. It was all quite sickening. So when he did leave for good, it was a relief! Although, I was pissed at them both.

Why the hell did they even get married? It was the end of the 60s and my father grew up with strict religious parents who instilled in him that if you knock a girl up; you marry her. So, that's what he did. And that was so NOT the right thing to do. Although, if he didn't, I would never have known who my father was or have the sister's that I do have.

But anyway there is much much more to this than that and I don't have the time, space, or will to go into it all.

The separation and divorce was also an embarrassment because my father took with him the only TV we owned and the only stereo which was our main source of a radio. We had no money and I had to explain to my friends that yes I did watch that episode of Battlestar Galactica because I was so embarrassed that we didn't have a TV.

Then my mom got all religious and getting a TV or radio was of no importance to her anymore. We didn't get these to items until I was 12. Now keep in mind that I was 9, 10, 11, and 12 during this time period. Friends were very important to me. And all my friends were doing all these things that I couldn't do.

So, for 3 years, I had hate festering in me. Hate for my father. And of course, I hated my father for more that this. Basically, I did not see him for 3 years. My father and mother did not get a divorce until I was 12. And it was a very nasty, hurtful, vindictive separation and divorce.

So, when I was 12 and the divorce was over, my father tried to win me back in his favor. I did not go for it at all. I was nasty to him and acted like I hated him. Which of course I did. And so, a very hurt, pissed off 12 year old equals a hellion. I smoked cigarettes and pot and drank alcohol. By the time I was 13, I tried numerous times to kill myself. I drank myself into a coma once. And then I decided to have sex at 13. Yes, I decided.

Me and my father did not try to repair our relationship until I was 16 and knocked up myself. I have lived with him from time to time. I still never was comfortable with him. Till this day, it's very hard for me to even talk to him on the phone. My stomach is in knots thinking about it. And then there never really is anything to say. Other than "Hi, how are you? Things are going good here. How about your way? How is the weather?" And then there is nothing and we both have to end the hell quickly.

I have talked to my father about that time period and how I felt and that I was sorry about how I acted. But, still it's so hard.

null

Comments

Renee' said…
That whole part of our childhood was...so fucked up in so many ways!

I'm so sorry that all of that left a strained, hard relationship for you and dad. It is understandable though.

I have hated how those years of our childhood affected all of us as Sisters. It didn't have to be that way. None of it did!

Bad decisions, hate, anger, hurt, carelessness, tradition over common sense, revenge, dependency, infidelity, abuse, drugs and alcohol, embarrassment, greed...

I'm so sorry, sis! I love you!
love you too! So now it's out there finally. and i can just let it go. i thought i have before. but i never have wrote it down. it's scary to put myself out there. I have always locked it away.

Popular posts from this blog

Face Wash

Why have I not ever heard of this before? I have acne prone skin. Had it every since I was 9. I've tried every freaking acne face wash there is and nothing has ever worked. So, here I am in my 40s and finally my skin looks good. For three weeks now. I love it! No acne. No dryness. Smooth and healthy complexion. I really do look younger. So what is this? I don't know if I dare say. I mean why would I want others to look good too. lol. Oh, well....here it is:


castor oil and olive oil
What!! Why would you put more oil on your face to help with oily skin, you say. I thought it was gross too. But since I have tried everything anyway, I gave it a shot. And I was sold on the first "washing".

I found this on a blog that I follow: Simple Organized Living. I think I found the blog on Pinterest. You find so many neat things on that site that you might otherwise never have found. On Simple Organized Living, the oil cleansing method was linked and referenced too.

Go ahead and re…

My Little Girls Birthday!

Today is my oldest child's birthday. She is 26 years old. Not a little girl anymore. Although, she will always by a little girl to me. She has a lovely disposition and it amazes me how she turned out that way having the parents that she has. We are anything but lovely. lol. I am looking forward to watching her grow even more into the woman she will become. I love you, Patricia Marie O'Donnell, with all my heart!!

Thank You, Hubby!

As I was reading my posts in FB this morning, I ran across a link about dads and I was thankful that I have the husband that I have. The link was to a blog post, titled, Calling all Dads, from the blog, Dad Revolution. The post was about how the government census classifies dads and how society still thinks of dads as babysitters.

I am thankful that my husband has changed plenty of diapers for all four of our kids. He has made bottles, gave them baths, walked the floors with them. He cooks, does dishes, and picks the house up. He will do laundry also. He does have many faults, but, all in all, I choose to put up with them in order to experience all the goodness that I do get. Also, now that the kids are adults, they have a great relationship with their dad still.

Now we have 6 grandchildren and they all love him dearly. He gives them plenty of attention, kisses and hugs, and shares his coffee with them. Also, when I watch the kids for my daughters, I can count on him to help me take c…