Skip to main content


When I get like this it's best to just shut up. It's hard for me to shut up though. I'm mad and someone should know it. That's what I think. Anyway, this is going to be the first time I have written my feelings in this crazed madness that I'm feeling. So If I go off the deep end this will be a clue into the deep dark madness of a psychotic episode  At least that is how I'm feeling.

I'm trying to get my mind off of my feelings. I took a nap. That did not help. The meds have not kicked in yet. I can't cook supper because I'm afraid of the stress of spinning around in circles (remember, I have no kitchen). I can't deal with stress people. I just can't! I try to solve problems and think of alternatives. But, the daily grind of stress and people in my personal life sometimes is too much. I used to go to work to relieve myself of the stress of family. Now there is so much stress at work that I hate my job. I thought I was getting better at handling it. But, after missing doses of meds, things begin to spiral down into a dark hole.

It just pisses me off. I'm mad because I can't solve an issue at work. I have tried again and again. It can't be done. I think of how things would be less stressful. It does not work because the powers that be do not care. They expect you to operate with less staff and more and more work and more and more requirements  They throw other peoples jobs at you to do along with your own. Which might be fine, If I wasn't dealing with patients all day.

And interrupted 50,000,000 times registering 1 damn person. I was so stressed, I did not know what I was doing. Registering 2 people at once. Answering 2 phones at once. What department am I in: Patient Rights Booklet. Patient Information. No I'm in Patient Registration. But, I can't think of registration because booklet and information is what I've been saying to patients all day. Wtf!! How is anyone to deal with this day after day without snapping. I have to make sure to dot the i's and cross the t's and do everything perfectly with a god damn smile on my face . Sorry people that don't work.

So, I'm mad and upset because of everything. I'm mad at myself because I can't handle it. Because I have to take medicine to deal with things. I get upset because people say go take some medicine. Fuck that!!! Why do I have to take medicine to deal with stupid people. Why don't some stupid people STOP making things so damn impossible to deal with. JUST STOP!! And then when someone breaks down, "Oh, that person is crazy!!"

Fuck everything!! I am barricaded in my room now. Fuck everything!!


Popular posts from this blog

Face Wash

Why have I not ever heard of this before? I have acne prone skin. Had it every since I was 9. I've tried every freaking acne face wash there is and nothing has ever worked. So, here I am in my 40s and finally my skin looks good. For three weeks now. I love it! No acne. No dryness. Smooth and healthy complexion. I really do look younger. So what is this? I don't know if I dare say. I mean why would I want others to look good too. lol. Oh, it is:

castor oil and olive oil
What!! Why would you put more oil on your face to help with oily skin, you say. I thought it was gross too. But since I have tried everything anyway, I gave it a shot. And I was sold on the first "washing".

I found this on a blog that I follow: Simple Organized Living. I think I found the blog on Pinterest. You find so many neat things on that site that you might otherwise never have found. On Simple Organized Living, the oil cleansing method was linked and referenced too.

Go ahead and re…

Thank You, Hubby!

As I was reading my posts in FB this morning, I ran across a link about dads and I was thankful that I have the husband that I have. The link was to a blog post, titled, Calling all Dads, from the blog, Dad Revolution. The post was about how the government census classifies dads and how society still thinks of dads as babysitters.

I am thankful that my husband has changed plenty of diapers for all four of our kids. He has made bottles, gave them baths, walked the floors with them. He cooks, does dishes, and picks the house up. He will do laundry also. He does have many faults, but, all in all, I choose to put up with them in order to experience all the goodness that I do get. Also, now that the kids are adults, they have a great relationship with their dad still.

Now we have 6 grandchildren and they all love him dearly. He gives them plenty of attention, kisses and hugs, and shares his coffee with them. Also, when I watch the kids for my daughters, I can count on him to help me take c…

Anger Management

I must confess that I have a problem in becoming angry and belligerent to people. Innocent people that have nothing to do with why I am angry. And there never is just one reason for the anger. It's an accumulation of irritations and obligations, etc. I have behaved badly at stores in front of customers and especially to the cashiers. I have yelled, cursed, and threatened many customer service reps on the phone whether it be the phone company, the electric company, for myself or for my mother. I take things out on anyone near me. Last Friday, I had a problem with my virus protection program on my computer through my cable service provider and did the chat thing with a customer service rep. Yes, I typed plenty of inappropriate things to let him know the depth of my annoyance.

Don't worry, karma did bite me in the ass today at work. A patient treated me in the same exact way that I treat other people when I'm pissed. No, it did not feel good and I did get angry at them. So, …