Sunday, August 19, 2012

Sisters of a Broken Marriage

I was 9 and my sisters were 6 and 7 maybe when our parents split up. I didn't have much to do with my father but my sisters went to visit him every weekend. When the divorce was being finalized there was so much contention between my parents trying to undermine each other and trying to prove each others unfitness as parents. The powers that be took us each into a room and asked us one after the other where we wanted to live.

Me and my youngest sister went with my mother. My other sister choose my father. And so the separateness began and our own ideas about the other that was not based on truth. My mother was upset that my sister choose my father. We were upset thinking she choose the money over her mother. Of course, I'm sure that idea was planted in our heads by mom.

Over the years, me and Jen, went back and forth from living with mom and dad. Her more than me. Us sisters could only get along so long before the death fights would begin. Me and Jen had our own ideas of Nae' Nae'. We thought she was stuck up and thought she was better than us, etc, etc.

After, we were all married and had kids, we kept in touch by phone periodically. One day, I was having our usual awkward conversation with Nae' Nae' and discovered that somehow we were interested and liked the same things. What? How did this happen that I did not know this?

My idea of my sister was changed from then on. Suddenly, we were so much closer. Which was a relief and a revelation.

My baby sister? She has closed herself off from us. She has her issues that she has to deal with. I have tried to help. I can't.

We must leave the past alone and stop blaming people and our circumstances for our problems. Sure they contributed, but it's over and you can't change a thing. Just move forward and make today and every day after count. Keep reaching out to your family. Sure it's hard and frustrating and painful. But they are family who have gone through things with you. Do not give up on them.



Renee said...

Children need to stay together when parents get divorced... and for all that is Holy, should never have been dealt with the way we were in our parent's custody proceedings!

icymae said...