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Thoughts in my head....
To spank or not to spank? And let me clarify that spanking and abuse are two different things. Apparently, some people do not get that at all. And someone on Twitter called me a child abuser. Hmmm? A couple of cracks on the butt using your hand is abuse? Jeez! I used to get a spanking with a bare ass and a belt or a switch from the yard that I had to pick myself. And it wasn't a couple of swats either.

Well, for some reason this is truly bothering me this time. I usually pay people no mind about their opinions and can let it go with no problem. But, have instead been carrying on a hateful dialog that is never going to go anywhere or change anyone's mind. Much like every other subject in life. Do I feel like I was an abused child? No, I don't feel that way. 

So, why is it bothering me now. Maybe the spankings I had when a child have affected me more than I know. Maybe this has stunted my emotional growth and have caused me to have low self esteem and depression all my life. Making me feel like I am evil and do not deserve anything good in my life. Or maybe I just inherited it from my grandmother who also suffered from this. Also, a couple of people in the family have depression and anxiety and they were not spanked.

I think that I inherited this condition from my grandmother and the spankings I got just enforced the idea because my parents really didn't show me that they even liked me or were interested in anything I have had to say to them. Therefore, I just stopped trying to tell them anything and retreated to my own little world.

And as an adult, I am still in my own little world feeling like I still did at the age of 13. It's hell and I hate it. I have tried numerous ways to find peace and contentment and happiness. Nothing has worked. Medication has not worked either.

Recently, I watched a movie on positive thinking and have began reading about Reiki and have had a few Reiki sessions. I think they have helped more than anything else has. I have a long way to go. But this issue will not go away. Something has been blocking me from my full potential and I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for something to happen. It's frustrating, Because my mind will not let me go. Could I have been abused some way and do not remember it at all? I don't think it was spankings. I think it was something else.



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Conflicting Feelings

My fingers are itching to type and my mind is in overdrive again. It's scary to pour your heart out. But, I did get a good response on my last post. The response was on Facebook. I really really wish people would comment on the blog post itself also :)

Well, maybe I should explain why I am so upset with religion??

Religion specifically Christianity;

We are taught:

To be separate from the world; to not mix and mingle with the world; if you do you will be influenced by them for the badTo just listen to God's laws and if you don't you are a problemThat we are not to believe in rituals and spiritualism  To listen to God and not ourselves; we just can't be trustedTo look down on people who are not us or who think and act differently (yes, I hear your protests that this is not so)That we are sinners who can never measure up 
Why is this bothering me so?
It has caused me nothing but anxiety attacks and low self-esteemIt has inhibited me from further progressing; my mind has never …

The Best Darn Stain Remover

I got this recipe from Pinterest. This is great for any stain you might have. It's the only thing I use. And it's easy. Easy is my middle name. In more ways than one lol.
In a Spray Bottle mix:

1 part of Dawn Dishwashing Detergent (the old blue kind)
2 parts of Hydrogen Peroxide

Shake. Spray. Throw in the wash.

That's it. It's stinky. But don't let that stop you. It works and it's easy. When you put it through the wash you can't smell it anymore. I promise.