Not Your Average Granny

My fingers are itching to type and my mind is in overdrive again. It's scary to pour your heart out. But, I did get a good response on my last post. The response was on Facebook. I really really wish people would comment on the blog post itself also :) Well, maybe I should explain why I am so upset with religion?? Religion specifically Christianity; We are taught: To be separate from the world; to not mix and mingle with the world; if you do you will be influenced by them for the bad To just listen to God's laws and if you don't you are a problem That we are not to believe in rituals and spiritualism   To listen to God and not ourselves; we just can't be trusted To look down on people who are not us or who think and act differently (yes, I hear your protests that this is not so) That we are sinners who can never measure up  Why is this bothering me so? It has caused me nothing but anxiety attacks and low self-esteem It has inhibited ...

Early this morning we had an eclipse of the moon. It was a full moon and the eclipse turned the moon red. I have been noticing the effects of the moon on my body and mood since September when I had a return of my panic attacks . I finally feel that I've conquered that with the help of meds and meditations. Lot's of meditation , relaxing music , plenty of spiritual reading , and soul searching.  Everything is energy . Even us. So when I get anxious and nervous now, I try to remember that it's just energy. That what I'm feeling is the energy in me and all around me. I'm fine and everything is okay and as it should be. I take deep breaths and make sure I work on clearing my chakras everyday and do my meditations at night. I want to get off the meds, but my intuition is telling me to wait until I am whole. I don't feel whole quite yet. But, everyday things are getting better. I'm feeling a calmness and serenity in me. I'm feeling happier and more ...

My first thoughts that I remember are when I was 3 years old. I always felt strange and out of place even then. Like I didn't belong here in this strange body, feeling all these strange unpleasant sensations and feelings. I always felt confused and never knew what was the right thing to do. I was jealous of my younger siblings because they seemed to be loved and accepted and I wanted that.  My grandmother was very religious and taught me about God and Jesus and brought me along to her "meetings" and "conventions" She was very strong in her beliefs and scolded me many times for my thoughts and actions and even for the fact that I had nail polish on. Hell was a predominant threat.  But, even though she did that, I loved her and loved listening to the Bible stories she told me with rapt attention. I loved going to meetings and conventions and singing the hymns. I even wanted to be a "worker" when I grew up. But, it was apparent that tha...